5 Quirks: America
by Spazzcat-Katori
Summary: Five short drabblets about America and five everyday objects: Coins, keyboards, Mountain Dew, tacos, and Monopoly.


Author's notes: Another 5 Quirks story. The 5 Quirks stories are sets of five drabblets centred around a single character and five different objects.

This set: America, and coins, keyboards, Mountain Dew, tacos, and Monopoly.

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Quirk 1: Coins

Alfred's coin-collecting hobby started completely by chance, when the massive change jar in his study finally shattered under the weight of one dime too many, sending an avalanche of coins pouring off the top of the filing cabinet and onto Alfred. A particularly old one caught his eye (actually, the security tape for the room shows it hitting him /in/ the eye, despite his claims to the contrary), and in short order every inch of the desk, bookshelves, and counter was covered in coins. When he didn't show up to work the next day, a hastily deployed secret service team found their missing nation carefully looking up each coin online and labelling it in a protective sleeve ("While naked, no less." A highly embarrassed agent later complained. "I didn't know you could mix hunky and nerdy like that without imploding the universe."). If anyone asks, Alfred will gladly show off the three sections of his collection. There's the old coins, some of which any museum would kill to have, that he looks at whenever he's feeling nostalgic. There's the commemorative ones, that he uses as a morale boost because there's more and more every year, and he says it shows people have more to celebrate than ever before. And there's the one from other countries, where you can tell his opinion of the other nations by how well their coins are cared for (the Russian and Cuban coins are battered from rough handling, while the English and Canadian coins are positively gleaming), although Alfred denies this vigorously and insists he looks after all his coins. Sometimes he considers getting his collection appraised, but he always decides no, you can't put a price tag on sentimental value.

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Quirk 2: Keyboards

IPods might play music, and cellular phones may make communication thousands of times easier, but Alfred has to say his all-time favourite piece of technology is the keyboard. They make it easy to compose messages in hundreds of languages, and some of them can even switch between languages for the same keys. It's nice not to have to remember exactly how to write each symbol when sending a letter to, say, China, or Iran (because he can't let himself look stupid for not knowing how to write proper Mandarin or Arabic), and it saves time in the actual writing, too. He also loves the clattering sound they make as he types, reminiscent of bustling offices and adrenaline-charged government agencies that he loves to visit just so he can hear dozens of keyboards chattering. And, compared to a pencil, they are /great/ for releasing frustration. You can't be too rough on a pencil or it'll break and then you're screwed, so the best you can do to let off steam is scribble fiercely on a piece of paper. But a keyboard? Two words: Keyboard smashing. A few pages of nonsense generated by randomly pounded keys can alleviate all but the worst tension, and the occasional accidental swear word among the scrambled letters, numbers, and symbols is an added bonus. Except for that one time he was actually /trying/ to get swears in, bumped the mouse, and sent the thing to half of Congress. His boss was NOT impressed.

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Quirk 3: Mountain Dew

Mountain Dew is the very best kind of soda pop there is, to hear Alfred tell it. Especially if he's just drunk enough of the stuff to keep a rhino awake for a week from the sugar rush alone, in which case he will be talking at such a rate that no one can get a word in to tell him otherwise. When things get hectic around the white house, he's been known to use the stuff to stay awake for days on end in case he's needed (The workers say it's nice to have him on hand, but after a couple days he starts twitching and grinning creepily and in the end it's just not worth it because he scares away the interns, which delays communications). When Matthew once quipped "Red Bull is just a diluted version of Mountain Dew, isn't it?", joking, the American just nodded and smirked at him, catching the Canadian off-guard and making him trip over the sidewalk. He's still not sure if Alfred was joking or not, and Alfred's not about to tell him, because it's funny to see that nervous look on the violet-eyed man's face he gets when he's mentally reviewing the border defence strategy. Not that he'd hurt him or anything, but there've been a few fuzzy patches during Mountain Dew rushes that he can't quite remember what happened and suspects that may be a good thing.

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Quirk 4: Tacos

Alfred loves tacos. They're tasty. And easy to hold while eating. And very customizable. No matter how finicky an eater you are, it's impossible not to find some combination of taco stuffings that you'll eat. Alfred himself will eat just about anything on a taco, and is forever trying new mixes of salsa and cheese and vegetables in them. The first time he had a taco, his opinion of Mexico went from boundless irritation at the constant border-hopping to "Hey, he's not so bad!" and he promptly ranked tacos right after hamburgers on his list of favourite foods. Because really, that stuff is sheer genius in a crunchy tortilla shell.

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Quirk 5: Monopoly

Matthew likes Scrabble, Arthur is fond of his Cluedo, and France has a knack for Risk completely at odds with his skill on the battlefield, and Alfred blows them all away at Monopoly. It's hardly surprising, considering how his economy is structured, but it's long since reached the point where he has trouble finding anyone willing to play against him who doesn't already know they're in for a thorough trouncing. When he /does/ find a new opponent, the game is pretty predictable. He starts off slow, picking up a few properties here and there. After a few times around the board, the other guy is falling behind. About an hour in, the other player is convinced Alfred is somehow controlling the dice. An hour and a half, and his opponent is clinging to life by their boot-strings (if they're still in the game at all). Part of the reason Alfred has such trouble finding people to play Monopoly against is because most people won't play against him twice. Some of them even cry run away if they hear him say 'game'. Although he's /mostly/ sure the rumour about people jumping out of windows to escape playing Monopoly with him aren't true. And no, he does not make business tycoons cry.


End file.
